Moron of the Day #8

So there is this girl I went to school with who added me on all the social medias ever and I deleted her because she is a whiney annoying person with no joy in life ever and the whole world is against her, PLUS she recently started talking smack about me to a guy she likes because we are friends (and somehow in her broken logic, this was a great idea.) Needless to say my mate told me what she was saying. She sent me a message on Whats App to confront me for deleting her and I couldn't help myself:

Girl: “Did you unfriend me on Facebook?”

Me: “Yup.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “You’re annoying.”

Girl: “Ummmm ok. That’s really hurtful.”

Me: “Have you checked Twitter and Instagram yet?”

Girl: “No. Why?”

Me: “Oh dear, it’s going to crush your soul.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “I unfollowed you there as well.”

Girl: “You’re a bitch!”

Me: “I know. I really wish I could care but I just don’t.”

Girl: “You’re a shit friend, you know that.”

Me: “WHAT?! I’m a great friend!”

Girl: “Well you’re not being one now.”

Me: “OH! No, you think we are friends? We are not friends sweetie. LOL!”

Girl: TYPING... (forever but no messages coming through.)

Me: “I can tell I’ve hurt your feelings, so I’m going to block you from Whats App before you send that essay you're writing because I care more about my data than your feelings. KBYE :)”

Five minutes later I received a SMS:

Girl: “You’re a bitch.”

Not going to lie, I was impressed by her persistence in trying to make me care that she was upset. So I smsed back. (I know I’m awful, I was just trolling now.)

Me: “Ok! Ok! I’ll follow you again! Gosh!”

Girl: “What?”

Me: “Just kidding! LOLBURGER!”

Girl: “What is your problem!”

Me: “dontgiveashitaboutyoualitus. It’s a real epidemic.”

Girl: “I hope you die.”

Me: “Well, we are all going to die at some point in our lives, so that’s not much of an insult. I’m sure you can do better than that.”

Girl: “I hope you get hit by a car!”

Me: “See this is why we can’t be friends, you have no imagination.” “What about, I hope you get a flesh eating virus that melts your flesh off like acid would. Now that’s an insult.”

Girl: “You’re a bitch. I’m done talking to you.”

Me: “Well finally! It took you long enough.”

Girl: “Bitch.”

Me: “Go to my blog, http://whiskeyfromateacup.blogspot.com”

Girl: "Why?"

Me: "You're my new Moron Of The Day post! Yaaaaay!"

Not going to lie... That was fun.

Dear Crazy Cat Lady:

So my sisters and I went out the other night and met a crazy cat lady... This post is for her:

Dear Crazy Cat Lady,

Meow meow. Meooooow meow meow meow meeeeew meow meow. Mow meow mew. Mouw Mouw Meow!

Mouw Mouw, mew meow mouw. Mouw mew mew mew. Meow.
Meow meow meow meow, mew mew , mouw meow. Meow meow mewo mew meow mauw. Prrrrrrrr... Meow mew.

Mauw mouw meow mew mew prrr. Mew meow meow mew. Mew Mew Meow, mauw mew mew. Meow.

Meow Meow,
Mew.

(she understands.)

P.S... I found a crazy cat lady friend for you... Her name is Debbie and she "just can't, just. Just can't." You can watch her YouTube video here: eHarmony Video Bio It's really something special, please watch it.

and click HERE to watch the song made from Debbies video.

That's all. 

Mew.

Reasons Sisters are the BEST!

I am lucky enough to have two sisters and we are more than just family. We’re like a really small gang. Small but effective.

Here are 15 things one experiences when they have a sister/s:

1. When you are starving at work because you didn't pack lunch (like a chop… mmmm chops) and it’s two days from your payday (I’m not saying this just happened but… This just happened.) All you have to do is send a tiny little what's app to your loving sisters and they will transfer money into your account so you don't have to live on coffee alone.

2. You always have a therapist, a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell you to change your diaper when you’re behaving like a baby.

3. You will be picked on and mocked by your loving sisters but Lord help anyone else who dares to try it. (They will cut you biatch.)

4. They buy you awesome stuff they know you will like, even if they think it’s random or stupid.

5. They are there to stop you at the front door to tell you when you look like a troll or worse a hipster kid. (vom!)

6. They will look after you and your stuff when you go out and have too much to drink. They will also wake you up the next morning at the crack of dawn, make loud noises and do things to make you puke. (It’s a punishment you know you deserve though.)

7. They don’t understand your love for that random band that sings about absolute nonsense but will party alongside you at their concert anyway. (and buy you their shirt because you’re a broke ass)

8. If you take part in any sport, like ever, you have a fan club.

9. Some guy broke your heart or went psycho on you? Well, there go his knee caps. (Or he ends up running down the road while your sister tries to run him over with her car… Again I’m not saying this happened buuuuuut…)

10. They honestly always know best, even if you are not willing to accept it. Eventually you will, so might as well just take their advice from the beginning. After all, they know you better than you know yourself.

11. They are proof there are people out there as weird as you are. (It’s comforting at times.)

12. They generally just get you. They understand what you are trying to say when you forget how to language. They also get your dry/stupid/twisted humor and they appreciate it.

13. They are always there to back you up, even if you are totally in the wrong. Don’t be fooled though, the lecture will come from them later but for now, you are right, what you say is gospel and everyone apposing you will be destroyed.

14. You are soooo different but essentially the same.

15. You can have some of the most heated arguments that occasionally turn violent and they hit you with a cheese grater or a broom (AHEM Tracy. Sorry, I think I’m coming down with something.) and two minutes later you're the best of mates again. Like nothing ever happened.


Basically sisters are the best and will be there for you through the good and the bad or when you’re just being a total tool and need some guidance.

I love my sisters. They’re better than yours.

That’s all.

Pedestrian Hero To The Rescue!

Hey friends! I feel like I can call you friends even though I have no clue who half of you are… Anyone who still follows me after all the nonsense I write on this blog is a sociopath and worthy of being my friend. I like you creeps.

This morning I clicked on a video a friend had posted on Facebook, which I generally never do, I couldn't help myself. The picture was a guy standing in the middle of the road in front of a car. I was intrigued and after watching it, definitely NOT disappointed.

The video is of a who is obviously sick of inconsiderate drivers who are too stupid to realize you have to stop behind the white line at a red robot, so pedestrians don’t have to walk around your stupid car just because you’re a jackass.

How he deals with the situation is pure poetry and I for one would LOVE to give him a high five and buy him a drink!

After teaching the first jackass a life lesson he is provoked by another pompous prat deliberately doing what the first jackass did. So this Pedestrian Hero (dunun na naaa) calmly gets into position and proceeds with his life lessons to asshole motorists.

You can watch the video by clicking on: Revenge on two dickhead drivers (that's my own title fyi)

I was so stoked when I saw this video. I have been told by so many people I can’t leave notes on cars when people park like morons on pavements. This man is my hero and has shown me that actually I CAN leave notes telling people they’re idiots. In fact I have an obligation to let people know they are giant nobs. How else will they learn?

I encourage every single person who reads this post to find an asshole doing asshole things and calmly show them the error in their ways. I DO NOT ENCOURAGE VIOLENCE! 

If you do teach someone a lesson, send me an email with details on why and how to whiskeyfromateacup@gmail.com and I will write a post about your bravery during this hard time in a world full of morons.

If you are a jackass motorist, best you sort yourself out... We are coming for you!

60 Likes on Facebook: Ezra Chaz Vincent

So I created a Facebook page for She Drinks Whiskey From A Teacup (click and like me if you haven't already) a while ago and just didn't really do anything with it. I had two likes for months (one was my personal account. Lame.) and didn't really bother with it. At the beginning of this month I decided that maybe, just maybe people would like my page IF I actually paid a little attention to it. So I did and BOOM! I'm up to 61 likes in just under a month. Not too shabby if you ask me.

Today I posted:

"58 Facebook Likes? Awesome! Thanks friends! I think the 60th person to like my page gets to choose a topic for my next post, I shall blog in your honor."

So this post is dedicated to Ezra Chaz Vincent, who would like to know what my playlist for the day sounded like. (I generally put one together every morning)
I asked for a picture of him I could use in this post and this is what he sent me:

This is so awesome, I'm going to use it.

My Playlist for Monday the 24th of November 2014:

Songs are grouped by bands and not in the actual order they were played. You can click on the song to listen/watch the YouTube videos.

Frightened Rabbit:
The Woodpile

Jimmy Eat World:
Bleed American
Get It Faster

Guns N' Roses:
Sweet Child O' Mine

Korn feat. Skrillex & Kill The Noise:
Narcissistic Cannibal

Wolfmother:
Vegabond

Blue Foundation:
Eyes on Fire

Bullet For My Valentine:
Suffocating under words of sorrow

Memphis May Fire:
Legacy
Miles Away (feat. Kellin Quinn)
and here is the Acoustic of Miles Away feat. Kellin Quinn because this song is beautiful.

Oh Matty Matty Matty Mullins!

Flyleaf:
Chasm
In the dark
Arise
Beautiful bride
I'm so sick 

Bring Me The Horizon:
Can you feel my heart
Sleepwalking
Shadow Moses

Sleeping With Sirens:
Here we go
Deja Vu
Satellites
If you can't hang
Tally it up, Settle the score
If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn
Congratulations (feat. Matty Mullins)
Don't fall asleep at the helm 
Do it now, remember it later
Iris (cover)  
Roger Rabbit 

So that's it... What makes you think I have a soft spot for Sleeping With Sirens hahahahaha!

I think when my Facebook page hit 100 LIKES, I'll give something away... Will have to think about what the prize will be for the 100th like.


Here are more photos of Matty Mullins (MMF) and Kellin Quinn (SWS) just because they are two beautiful boys with a beautiful bromance.

Moron of the Day #7

YAY! They are back… I was starting to think everyone in the world had suddenly become smart but it was a trap!

So a guy phones in to chat to one of our technicians who has left the office for lunch, I picked up the call and this is how that conversation went:

ME: “Hello, Terri speaking.”

MOTD: “Hi (insert technicians name)”

ME: “I’m sorry he has just stepped out of the office for lunch. He will be back in about an hour. I can put you through to another technician if you like?”

MOTD: “No, I need (technicians name) I’ll hold.”(Totally not paying attention to what I’m saying.)

ME: “He will be out for an hour Sir, could I maybe take a message and have him call you when he is back in the office?”

MOTD: “I’ll hold.” (Still not actually listening to me.)

ME: “For an hour Sir?”

MOTD: “I’ll hold.” (Not even slightly paying attention)

ME: “Ok, no problem.” (Hey who am I to judge?)


Put him on hold… The call rang back four times and each time I told him our tech was on lunch and asked him if he was sure he wanted to hold.

After around ten minutes the call rang back for the fifth time:


ME: “Hi Sir, are you sure you would like to stay on hold?”

MOTD: “It’s been ten minutes! Where is (technicians name)?”

ME: “He is still on lunch Sir and will be for the next fifty minutes.”

MOTD: “He’s on lunch?”

ME: “Yes Sir.”

MOTD: “Well, why didn't you say that? I’m sitting on hold and he is not even there!”


Calmed myself before I replied…


ME: “I did say he was on lunch and would be out for an hour Sir.”

MOTD: “If you had I wouldn't have stayed on hold.”

ME: “Would you like to leave a message?”

MOTD: “I’ll call back.”


Here is a picture of to explain how I feel about this:

I like that shit #5

PINEAPPLES!

People often look at me like I have some malicious thing growing out of my face when I see Pineapples and get all giddy inside, so what if I bounce around clapping my hands like a mental patient. I like pineapples... A lot.







Pineapples are great. They are the perfect summer fruit and therefore remind me of summer. I like summer as well but that's a different post for a later time. Pineapples are bright and absolutely delicious!

They also hold a lot of sentimental value to me. That again is another post for another time.

Pineapples are actually not just one fruit but a composite of many flowers whose individual fruitlets fuse together around a central core. Each fruitlet can be identified by an "eye," the rough spiny pokey things on the pineapple's surface. (interesting isn't it.)

1. 
   
2. Nutrition Facts
   PineapplePineapple, extra sweetPineapple, traditionalPineapple
   

   Amount Per 1 slice, thin (3-1/2" dia x 1/2" thick) (56 g)1 slice (3-1/2" dia x 3/4" thick) (84 g)100 grams1 cup, chunks (165 g)1 slice (4-2/3" dia x 3/4" thick) (166 g)1 fruit (905 g)100 grams

   Calories 50                                                       % Daily Value*

3. Total Fat 0,1 g	0%
   Saturated fat 0 g	0%
   Polyunsaturated fat 0 g
   Monounsaturated fat 0 g
   Cholesterol 0 mg	0%
   Sodium 1 mg	0%
   Potassium 109 mg	3%
   Total Carbohydrate 13 g	4%
   Dietary fiber 1,4 g	5%
   Sugar 10 g
   Protein 0,5 g	1%

   Vitamin A	1%	Vitamin C	79%
   Calcium	1%	Iron	1%
   Vitamin D	0%	Vitamin B-6	5%
   Vitamin B-12	0%	Magnesium	3%

   *Per cent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

So basically, Pineapples are the shit and you should eat them and wear them (Prints, not actual pineapples please) and love them and grow them.

Interesting facts about pineapples:

It takes almost 3 years for a single pineapple to reach maturation. (Which makes the price tag a bit more understandable.)




Once harvested, pineapples don't continue to ripen. 

That means that every single pineapple in the grocery store is as ripe as it will ever be so don't buy one and save it for a week, thinking it will ripen. The difference in colors is mostly based on where the pineapples were grown so a green pineapple can be just as sweet and delicious as a golden brown one.



When it drizzles on a sunny day in Hawaii, locals call it “pineapple juice.”



Pineapple is good for colds and coughs
Pineapples are packed with Vitamin C and all the flu fighting goodness you'd expect to get from oranges except pineapples have something EXTRA special! Bromelain, an enzyme which is found in pineapples, is excellent for digestion and has been found to help suppress coughs and loosen mucus.

Mother Nature is trying to Kill You #4

It’s been a while since I told you of some of the little and not so little things on our planet that could kill you. So I've found some new little nightmares for you. (Aren't I the best?)

Let’s talk about spiders!

We are all aware of how dangerous spiders are and have a general idea of which ones we should look out for. (Or is that just me?)

I know my previous posts have been about animals and volcanoes found all over the world, which has left a lot of people going “Wow, that’s frightening, at least there is an ocean between us.” Well, this time I decided to do something a little different. I’m going to tell you about some of the dangerous spiders found right here in good ol’ Africa. Our home. (And theirs)


Baboon Spider (Harpactirinae) - Tarantulas of Africa


In Africa they are known as Baboon Spiders, you may be more familiar with the name "tarantula". Baboon spiders are not the most venomous spiders but they can give a nasty bite and can be very aggressive. Victims will experience severe pain at the bite site, vomit and feel weak and dizzy. Baboon spiders are large and hairy, their body size alone can reach up to 3 inches. There are over 40 species of baboon spiders living in Africa. They live on the ground, build silk burrows and generally wait for their prey to amble by. Female baboon spiders can live up to 25 years and many people choose them as pets which is leading to a decline in their numbers.

A bite from a Baboon Spider

Darwin's Bark Spider (Caerostris darwini)

Darwin's Bark spider, lives and works in Madagascar, and some parts of South Africa. It is the architect of the largest web in the world. Webs are woven across entire rivers and span up to 30 square feet. In order to attain this astonishing size, the silk is twice as elastic as that of other spiders and considered to be the toughest biological material ever found. I've added this incredible spider to the "scary" list because I keep imagining what it must feel like to walk into one of these webs by mistake. (I'd break out the ninja skills!)

Button Spider (Latrodectus) or Black Widow

A particularly venomous species, the button spider injects a neurotoxin venom into its victims. You may be more familiar with the term, "Widow Spider" given the fact that the larger female kills her mate once she's had her way with him. Colouring varies from cream to black and many have red markings on their bodies. A bite from a female button spider (especially the black ones) has the capacity to kill a child and seriously harm an adult. If bitten, the victim will be in a lot of intense pain, experience elevated blood pressure, muscle cramps and weakness in the legs. There are 6 species of button spider in Sub-Saharan Africa, from Madagascar to the Cape Verde Islands. (FUN!)


Ogre-faced Spider (Deinopidae)
(Ok, This one is not deadly but I thought it was quite fun, so here it is.)

The Ogre-faced spider is found throughout Africa. It's not venomous, nor particularly large, but its face can scare the pants off any grown up I know. This is a fascinating creature. It spins a web between its long front legs, stretches it nice and wide and then leaps down onto its victims to trap them in it. Marvel comics must have been inspired by this spider. (Spider Ogre, Spider Ogre, Does whatever a Spider Ogre does. Can he swing from a web? Yeah, I'm sure he can.)



Six-Eyed Sand Spider (Sicarius)

 The six-eyed sand spiders' Genus is Sicarius, which is Latin for "murderer" A strong hint that this is a toxic beastie. One bite can kill a rabbit in just a few hours. While there are no recorded cases of human fatalities, this is one spider you should avoid. The six-eyed sand spider lives in desert areas in southern Africa, like the Kalahari desert. It's sometimes called the crab spider because it moves like a crab. It buries itself in the sand and waits for its victims to wander by before it strikes. The venom of the six-eyed sand spider is hemolytic/necrotoxic, which causes blood vessel leakage, (EEEEW!) tissue destruction and multi-organ breakdown. Luckily, this is one shy spider.

Jumping Spider (Evarcha culicivora)

Jumping spiders are common household spider who stalk their prey rather than weaving a web. The Jumping spider apparently has such an affinity for human blood, it shows a strong preference for female mosquitoes who are filled with the stuff. While it doesn't have the mouth tools necessary to jump on humans and feast directly, the idea of a vampire spider who likes the taste of human blood, is scary enough. I have had a few encounters with these bad boys (with scars to prove it) and believe me it is no fun at all. My younger sister recently had surgery because of a bite from these buggers. So yeah, I kill them on sight and feel no sympathy for it.

Jumping Spider bite after two days

Violin Spider (SICARIIDAE: LOXOSCELES)

Not going to lie, when I first read about the Violin Spider, I had nightmares and anything that resembled a small light brown shape in my house got squashed. More often than not it was fluff but I wasn't taking a chance. (I still squash any small brown thing, just in case.)
This is one frightening spider and what makes it worse is they are all over our country. (Now we know how Australians feel about almost every living creature in their country.) 

Violin spiders usually live in grassland and in caves with only one species introduced into houses on the Witwatersrand. Violin spiders are nocturnal and at night may find their way into clothing, beds and shoes. To date no anti-venom has been produced, and although no death has been reported in Southern Africa, plastic surgery is sometimes necessary to repair tissue damage. Violin spiders are usually brown or reddish brown in colour, with dark markings on their bodies. They often have characteristic violin-shaped markings on the cephalothorax and are quite often confused with daddy-long-legs, which are not venomous.

Violin Spider Bite

So that's all I have to say about that.

Here is a video of a Tiny Birthday For a Tiny Hedgehog with his Hamster friends. Watch it and feel better about life.