My mom is into metalcore? Whaaaaat?!

I just have to share this... My mom is the most unconventionally epic woman on this planet!

Sitting on the couch last night, chatting to my mom and going through my music on my laptop trying to find a derby(ish) song… I play I’m So Sick by Flyleaf, starts off all sweet and suddenly Lacey Sturm lets off this gut wrenching scream (pure beauty) My mom sweetly smiles at me and says 

“That one. I like that one. It's very you." 

So a little dazed and confused at my mom loving it, I carry on moving through my iTunes, thinking to myself 'Any minute now she is going to tell me to switch my noise off' I went through a lot of my metalcore and hard rock and she was digging it. 

Whaaaaat?! My mom is into metalcore!

Finally I play Legacy by Memphis May Fire and she turns to me and says 

"I don't know (Yes, my mom is normal, she is going to tell me she doesn't like it at all) I'm not sure if I like this one or the other one (Flyleaf) more."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Timelords and Companions...

My MOM digs Metalcore and Hard Rock music. I clearly take after her and couldn't be more proud of it.

What an Epic woman! Happy Birthday Mommy (yeah I said mommy) If your day is half as cool as you are it'll be a fantastic one!

Down & Derby #1

So every girl needs a sport they can devote their time to, otherwise we spend our time and money on shopping and by shopping I actually mean pub crawling. Don’t get me wrong going to the pub and having a few drinks with mates is awesome but not so much when it’s the middle of the week, you’ve been there every day for the past month, all the bartenders are on a first name basis with you and know how you like your whiskey.(Double in a short glass, ice and water in separate glasses on the side)

I have dabbled in a few sports myself and have always enjoyed them. After the last psychopath I dated was also my cricket partner, I unfortunately left the team when we broke up (more like ran for the forest, the hills didn't have enough hiding places) So, I haven’t really had a sport to occupy me and as a result I have “insider” jokes with the bartenders at my favourite watering hole.

NOT ANYMORE!

A friend of mine introduced me to my latest sports adventure and this time I’m not leaving for anyone!

Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to introduce ROLLER DERBY!

Basic break down of what Derby is:

A game played on either a flat track or banked track. Members of both teams wear quad skates and circle the track in packs. The pack for each team consists of a pivot and three blockers. There is also a jammer for each team on the track who tries to score points by passing opposing blockers. The pivots job is to keep control of the pack speed. The blockers job is to keep the opposing jammer from getting through the pack and to assist their own jammer through. Derby is played in two minute increments called jams. Jams continue for a twenty minute period. There are three periods in a bout.

Derby is a full contact, strategic, adrenaline pumping sport and at times is just down right flipping scary. The good kind of scary though. The kind of scary that gets your heart pumping and makes your bladder weak all at the same time but damned if you’re not going back and doing it all over again.

Everything about this sport is fantastic!

The people are amazing! They are so friendly and always eager to help you out when you are completely lost and not sure how to function with wheels on your feet. It’s difficult to not make friends with the skaters. Not to mention if you stick with it you will be able to do things you had laughed at the idea of doing a few months before. “Skate and then JUMP pffffft hahahahaha! You’re kidding right?” No, for reals, I laughed at the idea and now I can. Granted I’m pretty shit at it but just give me a few more months and we’ll chat on the subject again.

So basically Roller Derby is EPIC and if you get the opportunity to skate DO IT! You won’t regret it and you will be addicted for life!

If you think roller skating is lame. Here is Van Halen on skates: your opinion is invalid.

Dema Restaurant Competition FAIL:

There is a little Indian restaurant in Gateway shopping center called Dema. 

Recently they ran a competition on Facebook for Valentine’s Day. In order to be entered into the draw, you had to like their page and forward an email onto 5 friends and cc their email address 'info@dema.co.za' in on it.

Seems fair enough right?

What they don’t tell you is if you win they will post your picture on their Facebook page (still ok with this) accompanied by your email address and personal cell phone number. WHOA! I am NOT ok with this! Posting a person’s email and cell phone number up on a social networking page? REALLY?! You think this is ok?

Well apparently they do. Shocked at what I had just seen, some ladies personal contact information all over my home page, I commented on the picture:

The reply I received was just straight up frightening:

SERIOUSLY? This is the excuse you are going with? Competition credibility? You couldn't, I don’t know, post the picture of the winner and Tag her in it? That way people could see she is an actual person on Facebook and she would still have her privacy.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Curious as to what these “Ts and Cs” actually were, I found myself on a mission to find them. 

Alas I fear I may be looking forever because THEY DON’T EXIST! 

I have been through their Facebook page and their Website and nothing! (Well none that I can find) How can the Terms & Conditions apply when there are none? Are they just making this up as they go along? If so… What else have they decided they are allowed to do? Will they be selling personal information of their entrants to marketing companies? Maybe they will swing by one day to collect my first borns soul? I don’t know because I can’t go read these “Ts and Cs” they speak of.

So naturally, I asked.

I’m still waiting for a reply and something tells me I’ll keep waiting.

While trying to create ‘competition credibility’ you lost all credibility as a professional business.

I don’t know who Cindy Moodley is but if I was her, I’d be pissed off. Maybe she is ok with having her cell number floating around the internet for anyone to see. Who am I to judge?

Types of People: Choose your friends carefully

Ok, so we all know there are Delightful People who can’t help but spread blissful joy wherever they go. As awesome as they are, it’s tiring to be with them all the time… It’s not their fault; it’s how they cope with life. Sometimes it’s not all sunshine and daisies. No matter how many rainbows you paint over your problems, they are still going to be there (just prettier). Sometimes life’s unfair and sucks and that’s ok.

Then we have the Miserable People. People who see the bad and turn it into something tragic, you know the people I’m talking about “Oh looks a field of daisies, too bad daisies are weeds.” They spread misery wherever they go and are dangerous to be around. Spend too much time with these sorts of people and you’ll find yourself shopping for your very own pack of razors in no time.

We move along to the In Between People. They are generally quite happy but see things for what they really are. Life is unfair and sometimes bad things happen to good people, sometimes they happen to really awful people as well. These are the people who acknowledge the bad but instead of throwing glitter at it then pretending it’s not there or turning it into yet another reason to sit in a corner wielding a blade threatening to end it all, they accept what has happened and use it as a life lesson. Growing and becoming stronger people, they are generally the people still standing strong when the really bad things come along like a plague to wipe out humanity. They are the people who not only hold their heads high but the heads of the delightful and miserable as well. They make the best friends and will stand with you through the good, the bad and the ‘where the freak did that come from’.

I really wish we could just stop at three but alas, there is a fourth type of person and they are the worst type of person.

The Two-Face People. These are the sly conniving bitches everyone has met, worked with or been “friends” with at some point in their life. The people who wear a heroes mask but are really the worst kind of villain. They are all smiles to your face and the second your back is turned they spit venomous stories (usually untrue or exaggerated) about you to whoever will listen. These individuals are weak; they may come across as confident and strong but when confronted with the truth they will scurry like cockroaches trying to find another lie or story to dig their way out of the hole they have found themselves in. When you find yourself dealing with a person like this, you can be civil but don’t for one second think they are your friend or can be trusted. They imitate happy people, feed off of misery (preferably yours) and will throw you to the wolves to save their own skin without blinking an eye.

Moron Of The Day #2

ME: “(company name) Good day Terri Speaking”

MOTD: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me, I’m looking for a package to the Soccer World Cup in Brazil.”

ME: “Sure sir, which games are you looking at going to?”

MOTD: “There are four of us and we want to go to the opening and finals.”

ME: “Unfortunately the opening and finals are sold out Sir. We have packages available for the Semi-Finals?”

MOTD: “Sold out?”

ME: “Yes, sir. Are there any other games you would be interested in?”

MOTD: “How can they be sold out?”

ME: “They have been on sale since last year and have been sold out for a while.”

MOTD: “So there are none for the finals?”

ME: “Yes sir. They are both sold out.”

MOTD: “And nothing for the opening?”

ME: “Yes Sir, they are both sold out.”

MOTD: “Money is not an issue; I can pay for the expensive tickets.”

ME: “I understand sir but the tickets are all sold out for both the opening and finals. Are there any oth…”

MOTD: “THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!”

ME: “I’m sor…”

MOTD: “ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THERE ARE NO TICKETS LEFT FOR BOTH GAMES?!”

ME: “Yes sir, both are sold out, would you may be like to speak to…”

MOTD: “THIS IS BULLSHIT! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!”

ME: “No sir, may I ask who is speaking?”

MOTD: “THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT! WHO IS YOUR MANAGER?!”

ME: “Her name is _______ would you like to speak to her sir?”

MOTD: *loud bang* Beep… Beep… Beep…

Let’s discuss:

1. The words “Sold Out” generally mean there are no tickets left… Even the 'expensive' ones.
2. If you so desperately wanted to go to those specific games, surely you would purchase tickets for them when they went on sale around a year ago. Oh, wait. That falls under Common Sense, something you have nothing of.
3. Contrary to what you may believe, screaming at me on the phone will not magically produce tickets for you to purchase nor will it make you a man, but rather portray you as a toddler with a wet diaper throwing a temper tantrum.
4. When asking “Do you know who I am?” you better have a flipping impressive answer for when I do ask… You know like “I’m King Joffrey” or “Lord Dick Face, ruler of all pretentious prats.” Otherwise you just give away how insignificant you really are.
5. Lastly, if you ask who my manager is in an attempt to frighten me, at least have the balls to go through with it and speak to her. Don’t hang up like a little bitch. It’s pathetic.

Moron Of The Day #1

ME: “(company name) Good day Terri speaking.”

MOTD: “Hi, yes, hello. I don’t know if you can help me.”

ME: “May I ask what it is regarding?”

MOTD: “I found your number on the internet. I’m looking to play cricket for a team.”

ME: “Sorry sir, we do sports tourism.”

MOTD: “Yes, so can you help me with a team.”

ME: “Sir we are a tourism company, we send people to watch sports, we don’t run any teams.”

MOTD: “You are in Durban right?”

ME: “Yes sir, we are.”

MOTD: “So then why can’t you help me?”

ME: “We don’t run any teams. We only send people to watch the games. You would have to find a league and get a hold of them.”

MOTD: “You’re not a cricket league?”

ME: “No sir, we are a tourism company.”

MOTD: “But you do sports.”

ME: “Sports Tourism, we send tourists overseas to WATCH sports, we don’t run the teams.”

MOTD: “I don’t understand why you can’t give me a team to play for. You’re in Sports.”

ME: “We are in Tourism sir.”

MOTD: “OH Tourism. Why didn’t you say.”

ME: “______ Ok… Thanks for calling______”

I Like That Shit #1

Contrary to popular belief, I’m actually a very happy person who likes a lot of stuff. I’m cynical, opinionated, extremely sarcastic and occasionally inappropriate, but gosh darn I love this lump of rock we live on and I’m rather optimistic about the potential of its inhabitants.

A friend pointed out I should tell people about the things I think are awesome, not just the stuff that annoys me. So this is my first post about the random shit I like.

I Like Black & White Cows.

While I harbor no ill feelings towards other cows, the fun loving black and white cows you see frolicking in fields are my favourite. No clue why I like them more than other cows but I do. 

Cows are really rad; they have friendships and hold grudges just like people. They get excited when let out into the field after a long period of time and some jump into the air from pure excitement. 

Jumping cows… That’s funny. No seriously… Picture it. Then watch this... Jumping Cows

Plus they are just so flipping cute! Awkward giant bodies walking around on twig legs... They are just funny animals... I love funny animals.