Things I'd rather be doing than helping you:

When someone asks you for help and proceeds to give you the wrong information, then gets condescending and rude because nothing works... 
Below is the list I made while you were speaking.

Things I'd rather be doing than helping you:

• Drinking creamy alcohol until I puke.
• Listen to Iggy Azalea.
• Listen to Iggy Azalea and Demi Lovato collaborate on a song.
• Visit a gynecologist.
• Pull my teeth out with pliers.

And then you stopped talking for long enough so I could inform you in the nicest way possible everything you are doing is wrong.

You then proceeded to tell me the exact same thing I have JUST told you DOES NOT WORK, only this time slower like you are explaining it to someone who licks windows and pisses their pants.

More things I'd rather be doing than helping you:

• Bash my face into a brick wall until I pass out.
• Strip naked and roll around on broken glass.
• Cut all my clothes up to look like a YOLO kid.
• Give myself a thousand paper cuts between my fingers.
• Eat pears.
• Have my entire body covered with ants.
• Watch Burn After Reading.
• Eat soap.
• Snort Cayenne Pepper.
• Have my foot ridden over by a car.
• Actually just get hit by the car.

OH LOOK AT THAT! IT STILL DOESN'T WORK?! WHAAAAT?!

So, in your mind, you being a condescending ass hat will make everything magically work the way you want it to? Do you also believe some overweight old guy with a beard cruises around the world on a flying object once a year to drop off presents for kids who have been good?

Rant over.

Moron of the day #11

Another one? So Soon?

ME: "(company name) good day Terri speaking."

MOTD: "Hi Terri, it's _____ calling from _____, you spoke to MOTD #10 this morning."

ME: "Yes ______, How can I help?"

MOTD: "She said you told her if she gets a laptop she won't have an issue with her computer during loadshedding?"

ME: "Yes, the laptop has a battery in it and it will stay on for as long as the battery lasts."

MOTD: "Ok because I have a laptop and it was working but now it has just turned off."

ME: "Ok... Has the battery died?"

MOTD: "I had it plugged in so it shouldn't have died."

REALLY?! SERIOUSLY?! HOW DO ANY OF YOU HAVE JOBS WHEN THERE ARE PERFECTLY GOOD HUMANS WHO KNOW HOW ELECTRICITY WORKS STILL UNEMPLOYED?!

ME: "The battery would not be charging on the laptop if the electricity is off, regardless of whether it's plugged in or not."

MOTD: "Ok I see, thanks."

ME: "Thanks and have a great day."

Moron of the day #10

Moron Of the Day 10! We have hit double digits.

ME: “(company name) good day Terri speaking”

MOTD: “Hi Terri, it’s _____ from ______, I’m having an issue with my PC. I need a technician.”

ME: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

MOTD: “My computer was working fine this morning, I stepped away for a few minutes and when I came back it was off. I can’t get it to turn back on, I’ve tried unplugging and plugging it back in but nothing.”

ME: “Sure, I will…”

MOTD: “Our WiFi has also stopped working.”

(This is when I began to wonder…)

ME: “______ is anyone else having the same issue with their computers?”

MOTD: “I’ll check.”

…….

MOTD: “Yes a few people are having the same problem.”

ME: “______ are you by any chance loadshedding?”

MOTD: “Yes.”

(How do you tell someone they are too stupid to live in modern day society and should never procreate?)

ME: “______ Do you have a generator or any kind of battery backup for your computer?” (Subtly implying you need electricity to run your computer.)

MOTD: “No.”

ME: “…..” (come on… you can get there… figure it out…)

MOTD: “….” (no? you missed that? wow… just wow.)

ME: “Your computer would need to be plugged into a power supply in order to run when the electricity is off.”

MOTD: “Oh, ok.” (Really you didn’t know you needed electricity? REALLY?!) “what about our WiFi?”

ME: “Your router also needs electricity to work.”

MOTD: “What does that have to do with our WiFi?”

ME: “Your Wifi runs through your router, so if your router is off your WiFi won’t work.”

MOTD: “Oh ok. So we have to wait for the power to come back on?”

ME: “Yes, you would.”

MOTD: “That’s two hours! How must I work in the meantime?!”

ME: “I can send you a quote for a UPS or a laptop which has a battery in it, which may avoid this in the future?” (Or you could send smoke signals… How must I know!)

MOTD: “No that’s fine. Thanks bye.”

ME: “Goodbye.”

ANT-MAN!

That's right ladies and gentlemen!
This little Myrmecophobic went to watch a movie about a guy who controls ANTS!
If you don't know what the heck Myrmecophobia is and couldn't figure it out from the word 'ants' in capital letters well here you go:

Myrmecophobia is an intense fear of ants. This fear belongs to the more general category of Entomophobias (the fear of insects). But the fear of bees and fear of ants are more specific as the sufferers only fear those respective classes of insects.

Myrmecophobia is in a sense, similar to Arachnophobes- (people who fear spiders) in that; they might shudder or cry at the sight of ants just like the latter might do at the sight of spiders. People with an extreme ant phobia often believe that these bugs might enter their homes, contaminate their food or lead to massive destruction, damage, even death. (Massive destruction, damage and death... That's where I'm at.)The fear of ants manifests in different ways and varies from individual to individual. People suffering from Myrmecophobia suffer from variety of physical and emotional symptoms:

1. Shuddering, trembling, feeling terrified at the sight/thought of ants.(Yup.) Some phobics might lose consciousness momentarily when they come in contact with an ant. (close but no.) Uncontrollable weeping, feeling like running away and hiding or having a full blown panic attack are some other symptoms of Myrmecophobia. (Yeah most of the time. Although no weeping but that's just because I have been teased enough for this.)
2. Phobics might imagine “killer ants attacking and dragging them away to their Queen” over and over as seen in some movies/shows. (No, can't say that has happened...)
3. They might avoid gardening or stepping outdoors in summer and spring when ants are rampant (Meh)
4. Some people fear that ants will contaminate their foods or invade their homes. This leads to an obsessive compulsive behavior in the form of cleaning the house, locking the doors and windows, or being overzealous in the use of pesticides to prevent ants in their homes and yards. (Yeah, this happens...)

Ok, So my fear of Ants is not as bad as it could be... I can still function with ants around and even though the sight of them makes me dizzy, nauseous and sweaty palmed; I've never actually passed out. My skin just crawls and I want to puke. I do still get laughed at every time someone mentions my fear of ants. Which I just brush off but it's a dick thing to do, so just don't. Ok.

If someone had to jump up onto a bed flapping their arms around because a giant flying cockroach just flew into the room, would you laugh? probably but you wouldn't tease them because you'd understand.

If someone told you the sight of blood made them faint, you would say "Awww shame" and feel bad for them. You wouldn't point and laugh while pissing yourself with laughter... WOULD YOU?!
It's the same damn thing, so just don't be a dick ok.

Anyway, Moving on to what this post was meant to be about:

ANT-MAN!

So unlike every other Marvel movie I have ever gone to the movies to watch, I was not excited. NOT EXCITED AT ALL! I knew everyone else was going to see a lighthearted and slightly cheesy super hero movie, while I was going to watch a horror. The type of movie that would make my skin crawl, my palms sweaty and my heart race.

A horror designed just for me. A horror I felt Marvel was forcing me to watch. I knew Ant-Man would tie into the other Marvel movies I was so dedicated to follow, so this was a sacrifice I had to make.

So I clutched my boyfriends hand as tight as possible and braved the oncoming storm.

Yes, I was right but also so very very wrong about this movie. 

Even though the sheer volume of ants in this movie was enough to leave me nauseous and light headed, I was glad I went.

Ant-Man is not as cheesy as I expected.

In fact I really enjoyed it.

A movie that could have been super lame was so well done a myrmecophobe like myself didn't mind the enormous quantity of creepy ants. I actually think I may watch it again.

Paul Rudd was an amazing Ant-Man! He was sarcastic and cocky yet extremely likable.

All in all every cast member bought their own little something something to their characters, throw in a pretty rad story line, some epic effects and you have yourself a pretty epic movie.

So I think everyone should put their prejudice aside and go watch Ant-Man.

You won't regret it.

Your favorite character however probably won't be Scott Lang (Ant-Man), I'm guessing it will be one of his sidekicks Luis played by Michael Peña. I don't know how but the few times you see him on screen will have you rolling around peeing yourself with laughter. That guy is funny man!

Don't take my word for it though. Go watch it and let me know what you think.

Ok. 

That's all. 

Be nice to people who are afraid of random things.

Don't do drugs.

Stay in school.

Unless you're in matric, then leave at the end of the year.

It's been so long, I can't remember how to end a post.

I feel like I've made it awkward.

Save water.

Switch off.

Stay alert, stay alive.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Peace out.

Ok I think I'm done.

Dear Students, you little f*ck tards!

Dear Students.

A few months ago when I found out the flat across the road from my house was converted into a student housing building, I became worried.

I was worried about the noise that awaited my nights.

To my surprise the students who occupied this building were kind considerate humans who would make sure by nine pm and latest 10pm any noise they may have been making (which was hardly any), be it having friends over or playing music had stopped. The building became silent even though there were still students sitting in the garden, they made no noise what so ever. They were the perfect neighbors.

Now they have graduated (I’m assuming) and new students have moved in… Sigh… You guys. How I miss the old ones.

You my new neighbors are the worst. You play your terrible excuse for music as loud as possible and then proceed to “talk” (more like scream) at each other over the volume of the music. Here is a great idea… Turn it down and then you can actually hear each other.

At ten o’clock at night!

So by two in the morning I was pissed off, tired and grumpy. So I did what any grumpy neighbor would do. I phoned the cops. YES! That was me you little sh*ts!

The police arrived around an hour later (even though their station is 5 minutes away go f*cking figure!) and we had total silence finally.

Less than twenty minutes later…

MORE FU*CKING NOISE AND MUSIC!!! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME YOU F*CKING RETARDED EXCUSES FOR HUMAN FLESH!!!

What is your dysfunction you stupid little f*ckers?

So I phoned the cops AGAIN!!! When they eventually dragged their overweight lazy asses out to tell you f*cking morons to shut the f*ck up again it was FOUR F*CKING A F*CKING M!!!

Then while leaving my house early this morning to go to work with no sleep and only caffeine to help me through this Monday, your little student housing building was silent. Not a sound from anyone.

I’m assuming this is because you have classes this afternoon and had to get some sleep because you know… Everyone needs sleep to function. (Please read that as sarcastically as possible.)

So here is how this is going to go down from here on out.

You keep me awake all night again and I will phone every police station in Durban and complain about the noise. I have nothing better to do… Was going to sleep during that time anyway.

You will have cops at your door every half an hour if I have anything to say about it.

If you still insist on being little tw*ts, I will have a chat to a few of my scary tow truck driver friends (Yup, I know some dodgy scary ass people) who have some insane sound systems in their trucks and I will ask them kindly with delicious brownies, to park outside your flat at six in the morning and play their music as loud as they please.

You will not sleep.

You will never sleep.

Ever.

Again.

So do yourselves a favor and when it gets to nine/ten pm do what every other civilized human being would do and shut the f*ck up.

After all it’s an actual law.

Regards,

Your exhausted neighbor.

*I'm done ranting but this is far from over.

MY IPOD!

Hello Internet Buddies!

So happy, last night my missing iPod suddenly showed up again in my life. YAY!
Around 3 years ago, I misplaced my iPod and no matter how hard I searched, I could not find it. It was a very sad time and after it had been missing for over a year, I kind of gave up hope of ever seeing my charcoal black beauty again.

Last night while sitting on my bed playing with my laptop, my sister walked up to me with my long lost iPod in her hand and asked (in a very nonchalant tone) "Do you even use this anymore?"
I think I nearly cried from pure joy... I'm pretty sure I didn't even use words in response, it was more of a high pitched squeal followed by some serious hand clapping... I'm pretty sure I must have looked like a seal on acid.

After plugging it in and letting it charge for a while, I turned that baby on and went through my taste in music from 3 years ago.
Not going to lie, that shit was amazing. I did goooood.

I'd give you a list but it's 160gigs worth of music, so no. Here is a video of a BABY MONKEY RIDING A PIG BACKWARDS instead. (hahahahaha look at it!)
Seriously go watch it. Don't thank me though. 
Thank you Tannith for showing me this fantastic video!

I like that shit #7

Humanity: “You play SIMS?!” (Insert shock and horror)

Me: “You DON’T?!” (Return the shock and horror)

Yes people, I’ve heard it a thousand times. “Sims is so stupid.” “That’s not a real game.” “But pears are delicious.” Ok that last one was 100% unrelated but I really hate pears.

You think it’s stupid, most people who haven’t played it think it’s stupid, I know I was one of you, once upon an expansion ago.

The truth is, it’s actually kind of fun. Before you all decide to burn me at the stake for liking something you don’t and not being scared to admit it. Think about your shameful little pleasures in life no one can know about, now imagine how easy everything would be if you just admit you like things others find stupid.

I don’t want to live in a world where everyone likes the same old shit and no one dares to sing along to Taylor Swift for fear of the judgement. Be honest. You’ve bounced around singing Shake It Off at the top of your lungs when you were alone.

No? Just me then? Liars.

I’ve been asked what it is about Sims3 that I like so much. The truth is… I have no idea.

After a long day I like to sit in front of my PC, listen to random repetitive happy music and build shit.

I like to build houses from scratch but I also like to try revamp the shitty houses already there without changing too much of the structure.

I like to decorate the rooms and I like to create random virtual people.

Sometimes I’ll make my Sims do keg stands and get them “Super Juiced” then I just let them loose on society and see what they do.

Although I’ve realized they generally just end up streaking down the road.

So yes, I play Sims. I make virtual people, I give them virtual pets, I build them virtual houses and then I control their lives. Nope, I’m not emotionally attached to any of them. If I get bored of a sim I delete them as easily as I created them. (Reading that back to myself, I feel like maybe I should talk to someone.)

Building shit relaxes me and I usually have a great night sleep without the troubles of the real world infesting my brain before bed.

Also, are you sure you have never jumped around singing Shake It Off? Have you heard it? Click HERE and go watch the video. That shit’s funny man.

We have the same dance moves.

The Ennnnnnnd.