Dear Students, you little f*ck tards!

Dear Students.

A few months ago when I found out the flat across the road from my house was converted into a student housing building, I became worried.

I was worried about the noise that awaited my nights.

To my surprise the students who occupied this building were kind considerate humans who would make sure by nine pm and latest 10pm any noise they may have been making (which was hardly any), be it having friends over or playing music had stopped. The building became silent even though there were still students sitting in the garden, they made no noise what so ever. They were the perfect neighbors.

Now they have graduated (I’m assuming) and new students have moved in… Sigh… You guys. How I miss the old ones.

You my new neighbors are the worst. You play your terrible excuse for music as loud as possible and then proceed to “talk” (more like scream) at each other over the volume of the music. Here is a great idea… Turn it down and then you can actually hear each other.

At ten o’clock at night!

So by two in the morning I was pissed off, tired and grumpy. So I did what any grumpy neighbor would do. I phoned the cops. YES! That was me you little sh*ts!

The police arrived around an hour later (even though their station is 5 minutes away go f*cking figure!) and we had total silence finally.

Less than twenty minutes later…

MORE FU*CKING NOISE AND MUSIC!!! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME YOU F*CKING RETARDED EXCUSES FOR HUMAN FLESH!!!

What is your dysfunction you stupid little f*ckers?

So I phoned the cops AGAIN!!! When they eventually dragged their overweight lazy asses out to tell you f*cking morons to shut the f*ck up again it was FOUR F*CKING A F*CKING M!!!

Then while leaving my house early this morning to go to work with no sleep and only caffeine to help me through this Monday, your little student housing building was silent. Not a sound from anyone.

I’m assuming this is because you have classes this afternoon and had to get some sleep because you know… Everyone needs sleep to function. (Please read that as sarcastically as possible.)

So here is how this is going to go down from here on out.

You keep me awake all night again and I will phone every police station in Durban and complain about the noise. I have nothing better to do… Was going to sleep during that time anyway.

You will have cops at your door every half an hour if I have anything to say about it.

If you still insist on being little tw*ts, I will have a chat to a few of my scary tow truck driver friends (Yup, I know some dodgy scary ass people) who have some insane sound systems in their trucks and I will ask them kindly with delicious brownies, to park outside your flat at six in the morning and play their music as loud as they please.

You will not sleep.

You will never sleep.

Ever.

Again.

So do yourselves a favor and when it gets to nine/ten pm do what every other civilized human being would do and shut the f*ck up.

After all it’s an actual law.

Regards,

Your exhausted neighbor.

*I'm done ranting but this is far from over.