Things I'd rather be doing than helping you:

When someone asks you for help and proceeds to give you the wrong information, then gets condescending and rude because nothing works... 
Below is the list I made while you were speaking.

Things I'd rather be doing than helping you:

• Drinking creamy alcohol until I puke.
• Listen to Iggy Azalea.
• Listen to Iggy Azalea and Demi Lovato collaborate on a song.
• Visit a gynecologist.
• Pull my teeth out with pliers.

And then you stopped talking for long enough so I could inform you in the nicest way possible everything you are doing is wrong.

You then proceeded to tell me the exact same thing I have JUST told you DOES NOT WORK, only this time slower like you are explaining it to someone who licks windows and pisses their pants.

More things I'd rather be doing than helping you:

• Bash my face into a brick wall until I pass out.
• Strip naked and roll around on broken glass.
• Cut all my clothes up to look like a YOLO kid.
• Give myself a thousand paper cuts between my fingers.
• Eat pears.
• Have my entire body covered with ants.
• Watch Burn After Reading.
• Eat soap.
• Snort Cayenne Pepper.
• Have my foot ridden over by a car.
• Actually just get hit by the car.

OH LOOK AT THAT! IT STILL DOESN'T WORK?! WHAAAAT?!

So, in your mind, you being a condescending ass hat will make everything magically work the way you want it to? Do you also believe some overweight old guy with a beard cruises around the world on a flying object once a year to drop off presents for kids who have been good?

Rant over.