Down & Derby #3

Durban vs Damsels:

Dear Diary… Just kidding!

So as a few of you might know, this weekend the Slam Damsels made the trek from Johannesburg to Durban to play us Derbynites in a first ever Inter-league Bout! (SAAAAY WHAAAAT!?)

Yes that is correct, this weekend we made history baby!

This is kind of how my day went:

Around 12ish everyone rocked up at the hall to get stuff set up. 

I was late because I was magically stuck in my boyfriends room and couldn't get out… I know what you are thinking but NO! He wasn't even home. A gust of wind had slammed the door shut and broken the lock mechanism on the inside. Jarred had to come home to rescue me and eventually just cut straight through the lock to get me out. (Thank God for engineer boyfriends!)

I arrived at the hall, pale and nauseous, just in time for our off skate warm up/adrenalin dump. Once we were all warmed up and a little more at ease, we headed back into the hall and started to kit up for our bout. (I had to pee three times in the space of 10 minutes. Nervous much?)

We did an on skate warm up, headed to our team chairs in the middle of the track and waited for the bout to start. Suddenly I was no longer nervous but excited! So excited I needed to pee again!

Warm Up Vibes:

Kit Inspection Time:

The Refs, Slam Damsels and Durban Skaters all had their turn to skate around the track and were introduced to the crowed.

Our FanFlippingTastic Refs for the bout:

The Awesome SLAM DAMSELS:

And the ever so Fab DURBAN SKATERS!

The first line up was on the track and with a loud shriek of a whistle the school of big knocks was in session and the Durban girls were drooling for more hits from the Damsels who we absolutely adore and respect. 

This is kind of what I felt like inside while playing a team as rad as the Damsels:

And here is what we ACTUALLY looked like: (photos by: Blair Austin. For more pics, check out the Durban Derby Facebook page.)

Victory went to the Slam Damsels and we enjoyed every single second of skating with these epic woman. I personally learnt a heck of a lot from them and I’m so proud of all my bruises!

Click on SLAM DAMSELS to like them on Facebook. As always you can like DURBAN DERBY and THE MISSFITS by clicking on their names as well.

After a little photo shoot, hugs & loves from our spectators and a little warm down. We un-kitted, cleaned up the hall and headed home to shower.

We then headed down to Live The Venue for a little fundraising for the Team ZA girls and a party on skates.

The fundraising was awesome and the bands were EPIC! Our very own MissFits coach Andrew “Hugh Janus” Stent rocked out like a maniac with his band Habit To.

We met awesome people and may have recruited a few guys and girls to come skate with us.

I even met my first official fan. YAY! A lovely young guy named Jonathan asked if he could take a photo with me because he saw me skate and thought I was awesome. I think he saw me hit one person in front of him and remembered my name BUT I’ll take it! Hahahahahahaha!

After the bands were done and the fundraising was over, both my sisters, our friend Quan and I (along with all of my kit and luggage) piled into my sisters car and headed to our friendly 24 hour McDonalds and then home.

What a flipping rad weekend!

Down & Derby #2

ROLLER DERBY BABY!

As many of you know, I have been taken in by the most amazing full contact sport in all the lands. If you were unaware of my eight wheel obsession, where have you been? Go back and read my blog posts again!

If you are too lazy to look through my blog to find out what this derby thing is... Well just click on "DOWN & DERBY" and read my old post. (Aren't I so sweet, linking shit up for you and stuff)

Now you have a basic understanding of roller derby (admit it, you want to know more.) So, I'm going to tell you a little bit about Durban Derby, my team The MissFits, the future of Mens League and our latest and greatest Team ZA!

So Durban Derby was founded in 2012 by Michelle “Kraken” Murray and Cara “Riot Grrrl” Munroe after moving to Durban from Johannesburg where they first played derby. The league began with a handful of girls and has continued to grow since then. Between Roller Girls, Roller Boys (oh yes boys! You can derby as well.) Refs, Management and Coaching Crew, we have turned into a huge family of around 50 people, which is a heck of a lot for a sport which only hit Durban two years ago.

Click HERE to watch a doccy about Durban Derby by some awesome peeps from the School of Journalism and Media, Rhodes University. They did a flipping rad job and it's definitely worth a watch to get the general vibe of who the skaters/teams are in Durban. JUST GO WATCH IT!

I am also SUPER proud to say we have two girls from Durban Derby who have been selected for the national team and will be taking part in the Roller Derby "Blood & Thunder" World Cup being held in Texas this year! So excited! Team ZA is comprised of some of South Africas best skater girls and I for one feel a great sense of patriotic pride whenever the team is mentioned, like anyone should. This is the first time an African team will be taking part in the Roller Derby World Cup! EVER! That shit's exciting!

You can go check out our AWESOME Team ZA girls HERE or go read about the Blood & Thunder world cup HERE

If you are in Durban this weekend (15/11/2014) and maybe want to meet some of our lovely Team ZA girls then pop into Live The Venue on Saturday evening at around 8pm for the TRACK GRRRLS fundraiser! Meet the Durban Derby/MissFits/Eves Skaters as we roll around on eight wheels selling shooters to all you party animals! With awesome bands, epic skaters and general rad vibes R40 pre-sale and R50 at the door is not much to ask for... Plus all proceeds go to helping Team ZA get to Texas in December because SHIT IS EXPENSIVE! If you would like to make an additional donation towards getting our girls to Texas, we won't complain... So come party with us!

Now you know a little about Durban Derby, The MissFits and Eves Kanevils, click on the team/league names and LIKE us on Facebook. 

Durban Derby is also working on starting a mens league (see boys, I said you can derby) It's still early days but with the quality of men skating at the moment, you just know this is going to go far! So if you are a guy and are interested in derby, go like our facebook pages or hit up your closest derby girl/boy for more information on practices and fresh meat intake. (Don't really hit them because they hit back.) Then just show up and fall in love with derby. It's that simple.

The MissFits shoot before our last bout against the Eves Kanevils.
Rocking the Purple Leopard Print because we're awesome!

My team The MissFits are ridiculously fanflippingtasic geeks who love rainbows, unicorns and llamas. We have a theme song for EVERYTHING and are not afraid to break out in song wherever we are.
Our team colors are black and purple leopard print (which I'm sure you already figured out) Here is a little break down of our uniforms:

Hope this has given you a little insight into Derby in Durban. Hope to see you at the next fresh meat intake for new skaters! Like our page, come to our events and most importantly lace up your skates!

I Say Ol' Chap... It's Been A While:

Friends, Romans, Countrymen... And other entities, here's a little catch up on what has been going down in my life.

So, I spent a great deal of my time as an unemployed citizen of South Africa being an absolute total bum. Which turns out is not as fun as I thought it would be, in fact its actually quite boring. Everyone is off to work and moving forward in life while you are kind of just stuck. You don't move forward, you don't move anywhere, you just stop and then nothing. It sucks major!

BUUUUUUUUUUUT...

After seven months of having nothing to do when I woke up in the morning, I HAVE A JOB! YAY! Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am an employed functioning member of society again. Oh man, paying taxes has never been so satisfying... I'm so excited I have dinosaurs in my tummy (butterflies are for the weak)

One upside to not having a job: I was lucky enough to spend as much time as I wanted with my gorgeous nephew... He is the cutest human in all the lands and anyone who says otherwise will be slapped. In the face. With a roller skate.

So my new job is working for an IT company and it is flipping rad! Finally humans I understand. Nerds and geeks all on different levels but all the same. Aaaahhh... These are my people.

I haven't known them for long but I adore our technicians and I think they are warming up to me... After all, they can finally speak to me and are starting to actually hold a conversation with me. Like real people. Just kidding! (but seriously)

In other amazing news:
I have a boyfriend! Oh yes... I have an amazing boyfriend who I love like a fat kid loves cake. (mmmmm Cake.) He is amazing. We have been dating for the better part of a year. I'm generally happy but he makes me happier. Like Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing On Rainbows kind of happy. What more could you ask for in a human?
BUT! More on this amazing human later.

I'm still loving Roller Derby. Our amazing team of rainbow llamas has grown and our new teamies are a perfect fit. What awesome people!
Also more about The MissFits (CLICK HERE NOW AND GO LIKE US!) and our amazing Team ZA later. There is waaaay to much to write about them... This post would go on for days! (DAYS SON!)

SO LET'S RECAP:

1. I have a job and my colleagues are epic.
2. My nephew is the best human ever.
3. I have a boyfriend and he's better than yours. Damn right he's better than yours. (I sang that.)
4. Roller Derby is the most amazing sport to ever hit the planet and you should join us for all of the awesome.

If this post about me was too boring for you... Here are some useless facts for your useless self. Read them and go away. I don't want to be your friend anymore:

- On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

- On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

- It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

- The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

- A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 

- Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name. 

- Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

- The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Not surprised? Neither was I)

- "Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

- Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. 

- A snail can sleep for three years. 

- Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. What about milk you say? A cow has to eat grass to produce milk and grass is living.

- The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

- Spiral staircases in medieval castles run clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would have had no troubles, except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil. 

OK! So here's the deal:

I know I haven't blogged in a long time and frankly I didn't realize my neurotic ramblings meant that much to you guys. I have received a few mails from people asking what my problem is, stuff along the lines of "You start a blog and then just don't post in it. What's up with that?"

I apologize if I have hindered your growth as a human being in anyway. (Just kidding! You know you're awesome Mark)I have however been a little preoccupied by job hunting and real world problems. Not to mention Blogspot has been wigging out something hectic! Having issues logging in and if I try to add a picture to a post, everything just stops and refuses to work again. (Seriously, it's annoying and if anyone can help please feel free)

So just for your benefit here's a little catch up on what you have missed:

I was retrenched (but you already knew that) and have been job hunting. Not going to lie to you, it sucks!

A few days after my last day at work, I went to roller derby practice and got my brand spanking new SureGrip Avenger roller skates. It was love at first sight. They are my new babies and I love them. After hugging my new skates for a while, I strapped my safety gear on (safety is sexy) and laced those bad boys up. They are super-fast and I'm a little afraid of them. They move without you trying and I am not used to that.

Practice rolled on (pun intended) and I didn't die during the drills. We then had scrimmage which I was a little worried about on my new skates I'm not used to yet but I thought what the hell, what's the worst that could happen? Boy was I in for a surprise.

A few minutes into our scrimmage practice I went down and I went down weird! I landed awkwardly on my ankle, heard a crack and felt a wave of pain hit me. After being calmed down by my teammates, they assured me my skates were ok (yes, I was worried about my new babies!) and strapped my ankle to a splint. Our Captain Szerdi, teammie Amy and I then embarked on our great adventure to the closest hospital. I'm pretty sure the nurses thought we were pranking them when we pulled up at the emergency room laughing and joking. After all who cracks jokes while being put in a wheelchair? Apparently we do.

After being seen to by two nurses, a doctor and an X-Ray machine we were given the good news, no break and no fracture! Yay! Just a really bad sprain. Never been so happy for a sprained ankle before. The nurses strapped my ankle, gave me an injection for the pain and a set of red crutches (I asked for purple ones but apparently they don't have purple ones.)

My teamies who drove me to the hospital and all of those who joined us after practice made my trip to the emergency room way more fun than it should have been.

So I haven't been able to skate for the past couple weeks and won't be able to for a couple more but my awesome team have still kept me apart of everything. They are the best and I'm honoured to be a part of the MissFits.

Apart from job hunting and screwing up my ankle, I've been hanging out with friends and meeting new rad people.

Oh and crutches SUCK! They suck big hairy monkey balls!

That's all.

Moron of the Day #6

ME: “(company name) good day Terri speaking."

MOTD: “Hi, please can I speak to Michelle.”

ME: “I’m sorry Sir, we don’t have a Michelle working here.”

MOTD: “I’m looking at her mail right now.”

ME: “I’m sorry sir but there is no Michelle in this company. Are you sure you have come through to the right company?”

MOTD: “Is this (our company name)?”

ME: “Yes Sir it is but…”

MOTD: “Exactly! I want to speak to Michelle from YOUR company!”

ME: “I’m sorry Sir but there isn’t anyone with that name working here.”

MOTD: “I’M LOOKING AT HER EMAIL RIGHT NOW!”

ME: “May I ask, what does the email address say Sir?”

MOTD: “THIS IS REDICULOUS! MICHELLE READY! COMPANY NAME (insert silence) Oh… Michelle@(not our company).co.za.”

ME: “Have a lovely day Sir.”

MOTD: “Sorry about that.”

ME: “No problem.”

The saddest part of this entire debacle... He was actually polite compared to some of the people I've spoken to this morning.

Five Days... Just five more days.

Mother Nature is trying to kill you #3

So I've told you about a small number of creatures Mother Nature has spent a little more creativity on than others to make them rather frightening for their size. Today’s post is not about an animal the size of an eraser that could render you unconscious in minutes or any cute little critters who could kill you with one bite… No today I’m going to tell you about Mother Nature’s fail safe. Her BIG RED BUTTON she could press at any second to just reboot the planet and start again when the dust settles.(literally)

Please welcome to the monster party: Supervolcanoes!(insert dramatic echo)

You read that right… SUPERvolcanoes… You know, because regular volcanoes weren't scary enough.
I actually learned about Supervolcanoes when I was in high school, not in school because why would they teach us of such evil. No I watched documentaries and stumbled across one about these beauts. (Got to say I've had a little crush on Mother Nature since then. Bitches be twisted!)

So what makes a Supervolcano different to a regular volcano? Glad you asked.
A Supervolcano is a volcano on a massive scale, (DUH!) it erupts at least 1,000 cubic kilometers of material, a large volcano erupts around 1 cubic km… (oh crap.) While a regular volcano forms a cone like shape, a Supervolcano forms a depression in the earth (it’s called a caldera) and often has a ridge of higher land around it - Check out the images below.

Regular Volcano

Supervolcano
(Pretty)

Super-volcanic eruptions typically cause a long-lasting change to the weather and have the ability to trigger a small ice age sufficient enough to threaten our species with extinction.
Lucky for us a Supervolcano erupts less frequently… Eruptions are hundreds of thousands of years apart. (Approximately one erupts every 50,000 years) The most recent eruption on Earth occurred 74,000 years ago at the Toba Caldera in Sumatra, Indonesia. It cooled the whole Earth by 6.1 degrees and it has never heated up again. (Imagine our Summers 6.1 degrees hotter than they are. Pffft! Toba did us a favor.)

Here is a basic breakdown of how a Caldera is created:

Magma cannot escape to the surface and
collects under the lower crust.

An 'uplifted bulge' begins to form under the lower crust
as the magma chamber enlarges.

Cracks appear on the surface. Gas and ash erupt
from the magma chamber through these cracks.

The magma chamber collapses and
a depression is formed. This is called a caldera

There are about 40 known Supervolcanoes around the world, most are inactive. I have my favorites though. (As one does) The Toba Caldera is pretty rad but it's no Yellowstone Caldera. 
Yellowstone National Park has one of the largest Supervolcanoes in the world, the Yellowstone Caldera. The last eruption was 640,000 years ago. 
It is over 80 Kilometers long, 45 Kilometers wide and is large enough to hold the worlds largest city Tokyo in it. (Population 18 million)

The force of a supervolcanic eruption at Yellowstone would be the equivalent of 1,000 Hiroshima bombs exploding every second. Temperatures would drop by up to 12 degrees in the Northern Hemisphere and up to 16 degrees in the Southern Hemisphere causing mass starvation as the monsoon rains would stop. Not to mention the toxic smog and ash emitted from one single eruption would cover two thirds of the planet. The estimated total worldwide death toll from a Yellowstone eruption has been set at a minimum of 1 billion. 

Although scientists have concluded there is no threat of it erupting in the foreseeable future, it is however very active, changing in height and size every couple of years.

This is Mother Natures ultimate weapon and half the planet has no clue it even exists. You've got to hand it to her Mother Nature has a warped but creative imagination.


*Random Fact to make you feel better about life and all fuzzy inside again. One of Scotland's National Animals is a Unicorn. True story.