Moron of the day #9

Dear Friends,

Don’t be narrow minded fools.
That’s all.

Regards,
Terri.


Oh Please! Like that’s all I have to say! COME ON! It’s like you don’t know me at all!

So I received a message from an old friend’s girlfriend. I say old friend because we haven’t really hung out in a while… (Not a clue why she asked me and not someone he hangs out with on a daily basis.) Anyway, she is throwing a Rock N Roll themed party for him and wanted to know what hard rock and metalcore bands he likes. Not sure why she doesn’t know this, you know dating him and everything. I could tell she needed help when she asked about “the screamo bands an stuff” This is how our conversation went:

RACHEL: “Hi Terri, i dnt no if u remmbr meeting me. im Gabes gf Rachel.” 

ME: “Hey Rachel, yeah I do, what’s up?” (Honestly, no clue who you are dude. Why are you speaking to me and why can’t you spell?)

RACHEL: “im throwing a party fr Gabe an need ur help. Do u no wht rock music he likes. the screamo bands an stuff.”

(I don’t know when “screamo” became a genre of music. Also I think I just died a little inside.)

ME: “I’m not sure if he still likes the same bands as I do but I can send you some Metalcore if you like?” (Subtle corrections.) 

RACHEL: “thnx that wil hlp. My email is Ihavenocluewhatmetalcoreis@cantspell.com”

Taking into account there will be people at this party who think Screamo is the actual name for my most beloved genre of music. I sent through some chilled stuff.

ME: “Hi Rachel, I’ve sent through some stuff Gabriel used to listen to. Sleeping With Sirens are pretty chilled, Black Veil Brides are a bit more hard rock, Bring Me The Horizon Gabe loves, Memphis May Fire and Of Mice & Men I think he’d enjoy as well.”

RACHEL: “Tnx”

Around 3 hours later I received another message from Rachel.

RACHEL: “Hi Terri. Do u hav anything tht is NOT evil?”

ME: “Ummmm… Are you serious?”

RACHEL: “The Sirens 1 is fine an I thought the Brides 1 was fine to bt I googled them an they r in blk an hav makeup on.”

ME: “You are ridiculous. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Go away.”

RACHEL: “il pray fr u.”

ME: “Maybe ask Jesus to send you a thesaurus while you’re at it.” 
(My friend Van came up with that one while I was having a little break down telling her what was happening. It was funny, so I sent it. LOLBURGER!)

So friends, don’t be dicks and judge people on what they look like or what kind of music they make. They may not be your hero but they are someone else’s.

I wasn't sure if I should list this under a Moron of the day post or Rachel is an idiotic little twat who should be shunned by society. Rant over.

Click HERE to see what I think of this conversation.

Ok, that’s all for real.

I'm a nice person... Well most of the time at least.

Did everyone I went to school with end up working for Vodacom? Seriously?

So sitting at my desk, minding my own business when suddenly a wild schoolmate appears! (If you don’t get that reference then go back in time and fix your childhood.)

I use the word schoolmate very loosely here… We were never mates… The only reason I know she went to school with me is because she recognized me and said “Hey, you’re Terri, I went to school with you.”

Back-story: I have never been good with situations like this and was informed by my sister a few years ago that when a person recognizes you and greets you by name the polite thing to do is smile and pretend you know who they are. Apparently saying “Sorry bro, I don’t know you.” And walking away is an unacceptable way to deal with this sort of situation. I did not know this back then but I've been practicing my pretend hellos since I found out.

So I smiled and said “Hey, how are you?” and she replied “Good thanks, how have you been?” YES! Success! She thinks I know who she is! At this point I felt like I was winning at everything, so I carried on with our conversation. “I’ve been good” to which she replied “You used to be a lot skinnier in school.”

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I was just so lovely to this girl and she passes some snarky little comment. OH. HELL. NO!

Without missing a beat (Even I was surprised at how quick my response time was.) I replied “Yeah I was, people change as they get older. I suppose that’s not always the case, you’re still as un-rememberable now as you were back then.” At this point the guy from my office she was here to see is both shocked and trying to not laugh at the same time. He tells her she can wait in the boardroom and after she leaves he bursts out laughing.

Around ten minutes later another three employees of Vodacom show up for the meeting. I was again just doing my work, chatting to the guy they were here to meet with.

One of the girls pipes up: “Hi, did you go to (insert school name)”

“Yes, I did.” (Oh great! Another one!)

“I thought you looked familiar. Terri right?”

Now the struggle begins, am I nice to this one after I wasted a perfectly good fake hello on the last one? I figured, what the heck… I’ll be nice.

So I smiled and replied: “Yes, that’s right.”

“You probably don’t remember me, I was in matric when you started high school.”

“Not really but it was a really big school.”

“You taught me how to swim. I’ll never forget you.”

*Insert warm fuzzies in my heart* “Well, I’m glad I could help.”

They went off to have their meeting and I am super glad I decided to be nice even though I was not even slightly interested in speaking to her.

Day made.

That’s all.

*Unrelated Fact: Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

I like that shit #6

Hey Friends!

This post is about my favorite game of all time. CHESS!

Those of you who are my friends will know I am physically unable to just walk past a chess board. I'm drawn to it and soon enough I'm sitting down playing. (Even if it's by myself.) (Yeah, I do that. so what don't judge me!)

My interest in chess began when I was rather young, (I'm talking primary school days, like 6 or 7) My father had a Nintendo game called Chess Master. (You know the old school cartridge vibe.) When no one was around and I was bored I'd try my hand at this Chess Master thing... Needless to say I SUCKED! I was always kind of interested but soon forgot about it and moved on.

One fatal sunny day in high school while (totally lost) looking for my swimming team meeting, I stumbled upon a chess club... I had NO CLUE we had a chess club! They very kindly invited me in and gave me a quick run through of the rules... Not going to lie, I was hooked. I took a little print out of the rules home with me, went over them and thought "I can do that." Sadly it was end of term and the chess club meeting I had stumbled upon was the last one for the term.

So naturally I found chess games online and started playing. After getting my butt handed to me a few times, I got good... I got really good.

I returned to school in the new term and joined the chess club. It turns out I had a knack for it.

Anyway long story short I love chess and get very excited when I have people to play against. Which trust me, if you are not online, they are few and far between.

I still get all excited when I see someone has a chess board and if it's a beautiful hand carved set I get chills.

On New Years when the clock struck 12 and everyone was drunk, falling over and wishing each other, I was (drunk) in front of a chess board playing. I had my gorgeous boyfriend and a friend to play chess with... I'm pretty sure in that moment I was winning at life.

Well, that's all I have to say about that... For now anyway.


*Unrelated Fact: In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket.

Your Resolutions:

HI FRIENDS!

So just for fun I’ve been asking friends and randoms what their New Year Resolutions for 2015 are. I told them it is for my blog and they happily agreed to share their goals with me… Silly buggers (insert evil laugh)

I said it’s for my blog (Truth) but I may have failed to mention my comments are not always kind… Those who know me and have read my blog made me promise to not name and shame them, I reluctantly agreed.

The more people I asked, the more I realized how many people want the same things… I should group everyone together according to their resolutions and you can start a little support group with people who have the same resolutions as you. Maybe that way you’ll actually keep them.

Let’s start shall we?

LOSE WEIGHT & GET FIT:

I laughed a little when I realized this is the most popular resolution. Not because I thought it was stupid but because it just shows how difficult it is to commit to. (Trust me, I know!) With all the yummy things in front of your face ALL THE TIME! I mean for flip sake, I saw a Bacon Cronut the other day! A BACON CRONUT! Those are three delicious things all wrapped up in a neat little heart attack. Bacon GOOD! Doughnut GOOD! Croissant GOOD!

I personally am kind of on board with the whole get into shape vibe BUT I’m also not expecting immediate unrealistic results. Unless you are my younger sister, doing 10 sit ups tonight will NOT give you a six pack tomorrow.

If that’s what you are looking for you’ve pretty much already lost. You’ll last maybe a month or two and then be back to sitting on the couch eating your bacon cronuts because “nothing works.” (I’m speaking from experience here people.)

This not my New Years Resolution, I repeat THIS IS NOT MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION! (I’ll tell you mine at the end.) 

I have however enlisted the help of my iPhone to track my eating habits to try be a little healthier this year. I use an app called My Fitness Pal. It’s really simple and you don’t even have to type in the food you are eating… Just scan the barcode and it pulls up all the info for you, along with recommended serving sizes. (Seriously, coming from a super lazy person, this is awesome!) It not only tracks your kilojoule intake but also your fats, carbohydrates, protein, vitamins, sodium levels etc… Pretty much everything. It also gives you a nutritional chart that shows what your recommended intake of everything is and what your actual intake is per day. At the end of the day it gives you advise on what it is you need to change in your diet, for example if your sodium levels are too high for the day it pulls up a warning. It’s pretty rad. Also, it’s FREE!

I hope everyone with this resolution rocks it this year and achieves your goals, so go find an app that works for you (just as a little helper) but be prepared for the long term work and beware of the “get fit/lose weight quick” bullshit.

SPEND MORE TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY:

Again, so many people have this resolution. I like this one… Unless your friends and family are dicks and that’s why you weren’t hanging out with them this past year, but you just forgot how much you don’t like them so this resolution happened.

I don’t know how true it is but I’ve read a few studies which suggest social people who have strong ties to friends and family live longer than people do not. However, holiday seasons where people spend a lot of time with family and friends have the highest suicide rates… So I guess it really just depends on whether or not your family and friends are assholes.

If not, then awesome! Manage your time better and hang out as much as possible.

If however they are pricks and you just forgot, I would suggest new friends.

Seeing how you are forced to spend time with family (even if you don’t like them.) my advice would be spend the bare minimum amount of time with them.

What are you missing out on really? That jerk who always has a snarky comment about your hair and general style or that awful woman who tells you how disgusting tattoos are and only has bad things to say about people who get them, knowing full well you have plenty. I don’t think you are missing much. Also, it’s really hard to stay calm and not be a bitch right back.

SAVE MONEY:

When you figure out how to do this… Let me know.

MANAGE MY DEBT BETTER:

Here’s a better idea, if you can’t afford it, DON’T BUY IT! Unless it’s like lifesaving surgery, is it really necessary or are you buying things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like? (Yeah I quoted Fight Club. BOOM!)

DO JUICE CLEANSES TO BE HEALTHY:

I CALL BULLSHIT! You don’t want to be healthy! You want to be skinny. Go for the long term and not the quick fix. It’s better for you in the end.

QUIT SMOKING:

I am 100% behind you on this one! You not only have to break an addiction but a habit as well. Stick with it and don’t let multiple failures in the past haunt you. Ask any ex-smoker how many times they failed before getting it right. It’s a long term commitment, but I don’t have to tell you the health benefits.

Plus, think of all the money you will save. That shit’s expensive!

GET A BETTER JOB:

Good for you. I hope you find what makes you happy.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW:

Like as in one thing? Just one? I suppose, set your standards really low and you will never be disappointed. So here you go, I’m going to help you out now.

How to fold an origami crane:

TA-DA! 2015 New Year Resolution DONE SON!

VOLUNTEER:

I thought this was a rad one. When I questioned further, I was a little disappointed. I asked this young lady what volunteer work she was interested in doing, she then went on to tell me she doesn’t really care, she just wants to do it because there is a girl in her school who always gets stuff in assembly for volunteer work she does and she wants awards as well.

So this has absolutely nothing to do with helping anyone, this is about trying to claw your way onto a pedestal so you can look down on all those mere mortals beneath you.

I hope you get diarrhea.

GET MARRIED:

This came from a girl who has no boyfriend and no prospects for one… So she is going to meet someone, date them, fall in love and marry them all in one year? It's not impossible but it's implausible.

I’m sorry if you take offence to what I’m about to say… Actually, nope, nope I’m not.

This is a perfect example of what is wrong with marriage in our society… 

You think you want a marriage but you don’t! You want a wedding. You want to wear a fluffy white dress and throw a huge party where for one day you are the center of attention… It doesn’t matter what weirdo is standing next to you, as long as he looks good in a suit. You are pledging your life to a stranger! WHAT THE FLIP IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Why not just have a big party with your mates and wear a fluffy white dress?

Think about it this way, would you still be so keen for this if Divorce was illegal and you couldn’t just throw your hands in the air and say “Oh, well… That didn’t work.” Yeah, I don’t think you would.

Maybe I’m just cynical and believe some things are not worth rushing into. Perhaps it’s because I’ve dated sociopaths who seemed like really lovely guys, who knows but in my opinion you’re stupid and someone should slap you.

So my New Year Resolution is simple.

I WANT TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY AND TELL MORE PEOPLE TO FUCK OFF.

I don't think I need to explain this one... It's pretty straight forward.

The End.

HELLO 2015!

GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! WE DID IT!

Congratulations everyone, you made it to 2015 and with barely a scratch on you... Well Done!

I'm super excited for what this year has to offer and can't wait to share it with you little sociopaths! First, here is a little picture recap of my 2014:

Fell head over heals in love with this guy.

Said Goodbye to Edusport Travel and actually got a gift.

Visited so many coffee shops

Mmmm Coffee...

Babysat... #Hunter

Babysat A LOT! Look at my cute nephew! #Noah

Sister pool vibes

EEEEK! Got my very first pair of derby skates!

Aaand Emergency room selfies after putting
my new skates on for the first time.

Crutches are from the devil. Just saying.

Love my MissFits

My motto for 2014

I added to my ever growing collection of onesies.

And heard this A LOT! From EVERYONE!

Hung out with my epic sisters

Cut a fringe.

Hung out with my bestie

Had plenty tee-pee play times with my nephew.

Watched rad movies.

Road tripped to Joburg to watch derby

The Savage Sailor Dolls vs. The Raging Warmones

Fun with Friends at a 90s party... All of the grunge.

I ate cups of bacon with cheese sauce...
And I'm not even sorry.

Skated in South Africa's first ever inter-provincial bout.

Durban vs. Joburgs Slam Damsels

Partied with my MissFits

So much fun with my sisters, my boyfriend and friends.

Made new friends. #PugLife

Best boyfriend in the world. #iwokeuplikethis

My squishy face naps during "boring" movies.

Back to work... Done right.

So from one weirdo to another, HAPPY 2015 EVERYONE!
Always remember whiskey tastes better out of teacups.

Yes, these are all from my Instagram... I Instagram... Don't judge.

You can follow me (if you can find me) on terrrawr.

Justin & Friends Have Questions:

I received an email this past weekend from a lovely guy named Justin Donald, he and his mates wanted to know when I would be doing another “International Ask A Question Day” (Click link to read #1) Apparently they have a few questions lined up for me and would like to learn the answers as promptly as possible. 

Well Justin,

Thank you kindly for your email and please send a giant high five to your mates for reading my blog.

I understand you have a few questions for me and I’d be happy to answer them, sadly they will not be posted in the “International Ask A Question Day” (Click link to read #2) posts because well, that takes place on the 14th of March… It’s not just something I made up… It’s an actual thing. You can Google it.

I WAS going to reply with some snarky comment about you not knowing how to use the internet and a step by step diagram on how Google works, but then I read your questions and I really can’t help myself. I feel I must answer them and win. (Yes, it’s a competition. It’s always a competition.)

So here you go Justin and Friends:

Xbox 360 vs PS3 vs Wii:

The battle of the game consoles. (Insert dramatic music)

Sorry Wii users. Your console is silly. If I wanted to go bowling or whatever, I’d actually go bowling. So you lose before we even start.

So, which of these two systems provides a better gaming experience? The graphic quality is basically the same on both systems. Sony offers its online service for free, where as Microsoft charges a subscription fee. Though, content is added to Xbox Live sometimes MUCH earlier than Sony because well… You know… Money.

Xbox Live is much more user friendly. No need for a blue tooth headset and prayers that the game supports it. You can see your friends and what they are doing on Live. Making the Xbox a much better social interaction network than Sony's. 

PS3 does have a Blu-ray player. Although, with a little leg work, an app called Pavtube can be used to view Blu-rays on your 360. It all comes down to game exclusivity. Both systems have games that can ONLY be found on their respective consoles. In my humble opinion the system with the best exclusive content is the Xbox 360. However my Xbox 360 died a horrid death and my PS still works perfectly.

So I’d have to go with PS3 because Xbox360 broke my heart.

Batman vs. Superman:

See the problem with this is there are soooo many categories to consider when deciding who would win… What are we actually comparing here?

Who’s a better superhero? Who would win in a fight? Whose outfit has been more ambiguously gay at times? Superman and his underwear on the outside of his pants or Batman and his costume with nipples? (Thanks Joel Schumacher) 

Superman is the epitome of good. Batman is much looser with his morals. Does this give him an edge as a crime fighter, seeing as he isn't bound by some moral code he has imposed upon himself? Yeah, I think it does… I personally think Superman would win in an impromptu fight, but given notice that the fight was taking place, Batman would kick some serious alien ass and take the victory. There’s not a superhero out there whose preparedness skills match that of the Dark Knight. Plus, Superman’s Boy Scout mentality just plain gets on my nerves. Not to mention, his only weakness is a rock that just about everybody and their brother can get a hold of when they want to. So for being kind of lame, Superman loses to Batman in this debate.

Lastly…

Marvel vs. DC:

This is a comic book fan’s holy grail of debates. The list of iconic heroes from both is staggering. DC has names like Batman, Superman and WonderWoman.  While Marvel has Spiderman, Captain America and the X-Men.

Fifty years ago DC would probably have won this argument hands down. However, excluding the Batman franchise, DC is not having close to the amount of success Marvel is having with their line of characters. Not to mention, this whole reboot of the entire DC universe that has taken place in the comic book world. Really? Give me a break.

If I was working off of the domination of geekland alone, Marvel would win hands down BUT we all know me way better than that! 

Due to my favorite comic book of all time being Hellblazer and what is happening in the world of series at the moment with Constantine being released… I am going to go with DC. Sorry Marvel fans… The new Constantine series fixes all of the things that went sooo horribly wrong in the movie Constantine with Keanu Reeves as John Constantine… REALLY?! Keanu Reeves as THE John Constantine?! What a joke.

So yeah… Due to Matt Ryan in his perfect portrayal of John Constantine, I have once again found my love for Hellblazer and therefore the warm spot in my heart for DC Comics is back.

Dear Eskom... You Bastards.

Dear Eskom,

With regards to load shedding, I understand the stress you are under to keep our power stations up and running, which is why I have forgiven you for A LOT!

I have forgiven you for turning my power off halfway through watching my favorite series.

I have forgiven you for turning my power off in the middle of cooking dinner.

I forgave you when you turned our power off while I was trying to watch Team ZA skate in the Roller Derby World Cup in Texas.

I have forgiven you for turning my power off halfway through straightening my very curly, super afro hair.

Not to mention the countless other times you have randomly turned our power off with no actual warning because you DO NOT stick to your “Load Shedding Schedule” like you said you would.

This time however, this time I cannot forgive you!

On Friday at around 2pm, I sat down across from a lovely lady named Nicole, I was very excited and extremely nervous because you see Nicole is a tattoo artist and a damn fine one at that. I had finally plucked up enough courage to take on the needle and finally get my tattoo I have wanted for a while now. (I’ve been so scared because I have a phobia of needles. Aichmophobia, it’s a real thing. You can read my blog about random phobias HERE.)

Once she had calmed me down to a panic, she was ready to start… The tattoo gun was turned on and the buzz began… She did not even finish the first line when suddenly silence and darkness hit. It took a second but once I realized that it was load shedding I let out an awkward laugh.

My hardcore line... It's abstract.

You see Eskom, I checked your schedule and there was not meant to be any load shedding in that area!

Not only did you ruin my plans and my lunch break but I also had to explain to my office why my new awesome tattoo was just a line.

All I had to say was Eskom and they exploded with laughter because they instantly knew what you had done!

My tattoo has been rescheduled for today, so please Eskom, PLEASE don't be dicks again today.

Regards,
TerRawr.