Nostradamus may have predicted Trump’s election

So we all know who Nostradamus is...

If for some unknown reason you don't:
Michel de Nostredame, usually Latinised as Nostradamus, was a French apothecary and reputed “seer” (like clairvoyant) who published collections of prophecies that have since become widely famous.

Nostradamus, who died sometime in 1566, has been credited with the predictions of the assassinations of the Kennedy brothers, the collapse of the World Trade Centers, the rise of Hitler, defeat of Napoleon and the great fire of London.

Basically, he was a total badass!

Nostradamus also predicted a "great, shameless, audacious brawler will be elected governor of the army" which many believe to be Donald Trump… Come on, how many other shameless audacious brawlers do we know who have just been elected for “Governor of the army.” 
Ok, maybe South Africa has one but let's be honest our army is not really anything to be feared… I mean South Africa's fleet of attack submarines, which cost an estimated R8-billion in the infamous arms deal, are all in dry dock after the only operational vessel crashed into the seabed… (insert exasperated facial expression here) It’s ok though… According to our Naval Commander we only have them to deter sharks… No seriously, for reals, he said this live on the news… Youtube it. (This is what we are dealing with and yet South Africans are still laughing at Americas new “president” just saying.)

He also predicted what many believe to be World War 3… A war will start between two major world powers (I’m assuming Putin will say something mean in a tweet to or about Trump and Trump will just start nuking shit.) and will last for a period of 27 years. The moment of great violence will coincide with the appearance of a comet in the sky. Nuclear combat and natural disasters shall strike our planet when a giant planet approaches Earth.

So yeah, Nostradamus pretty much predicted Trump would be president and in a tantrum he is bound to throw, will start World War 3… 
If any of you are thinking “Oh please that’s ridiculous. That will never happen.” (insert mocking voice and flailing arms here) just remember what everyone said when Donald Trump announced he was running for president. Yup.

Nostradamus however is not the only clairvoyant who had a few things to say regarding American leaders… 

Baba Vanga, who was known as the 'Nostradamus from the Balkans', predicted correctly 9/11, the rise of Islamic State and that the 44th President would be African-American, she also predicted the 44th president (Barack Obama) would be the last US president… My personal opinion is that she is 100% correct because Donald Trump is not Americas next president, he is in fact Americas first Dictator. (What did that b*tch just say? You heard me.)

Vanga is said to have made hundreds of predictions in her lifetime, including that there would be a 'great Muslim war' which would start with the Arab Spring in 2010.
She predicted it would take place in Syria and would come to a conclusion in 2043 with the establishment of a caliphate with Rome at its center.

I mean, everyone has their own opinions on the events taking place in America right now, some are level headed, some are fearful, some are hopeful and some are downright narrow minded and stupid. (If you take offence to this and think I’m laying a personal attack on you, then yes it’s probably you.) 

At the end of the day regardless who the president is we all have bigger things to worry about because Nostradamus also predicted Zombies... And they are coming soon!

The year the great seventh number is accomplished,
Appearing at the time of the great games of slaughter: (oh, like all the war and killing happening now?)
Not far from the age of the great millennium, (Ummm, well shit.)
When the dead will come out of their graves. (Starts packing survival supplies.)

END!!!!!!

Moron of the day #12

So I haven’t done one of these in a long time and believe me, it’s not because I haven’t had to deal with morons. It's more because by the time I’m done talking to them, I’m generally in the fetal position on the floor, holding myself, crying and repeating “It’s going to be ok…” over and over to try trick myself into believing it.

BUT!!!!! 

This one is short and idiotic so here we go:

Me: “Terri speaking good day”

MOTD: “Do you people not have a landline number?”

Me: “Ma’am this is a landline number”

MOTD: “NO IT’S NOT!”

Me: “Yes it is ma’am.”

MOTD: “No it’s not! This is an 086 number NOT a landline!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it is a hunting facility that transfers you through to our landline numbers.”

MOTD: “So it is a cellphone number.”

Me: “No M…”

MOTD: “Phone me back, I can’t be phoning a cell phone number from my landline.”

*Remembers some people are dumb and there is no point in explaining anything to them*

Me: “Sure ma’am, may I have your number, I will phone you back.”

MOTD: “(Insert number here)”

ME: “Your name is ma’am?”

MOTD: “It’s a landline number.” *Hangs up*

*Still not sure what she thought I asked, but anyway, call nameless lady back*

ME: “Hi, this is Terri from (Company name here)”

MOTD: “I’m looking for (insert product here)”

ME: “Sure no problem, the lady you need to speak to is not in right now, can I get her to call you back?”

MOTD: “Yes…”

ME: “Sure, ma’am your name is?”

MOTD: “(Finally a name here), you have my number.”

ME: “Yes (Clients name) I do, I will have her give you a call back.”

MOTD: “Ok, and you should really get a landline number, phoning a cell number from my home phone is expensive.”

ME: “The 086 number is our landline number ma’am.”

MOTD: “No it’s 086! 086 are cellphone numbers.”

ME: “Ok, no problem, I will suggest it. Thanks so much.”

MOTD: “Thank you. Cellphone calls are expensive on landlines.”

*Deep breath in…* *Deep breath out…* 

Brangelina Went Splitsville:

I’m sure you have all read about the breakup of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

This has been an emotional time for me because I finally realized that I just don’t give a single fuck about it.

I don’t care their marriage blew up, to be honest I didn’t know they were married to begin with.

I thought I was alone suffering in silence until my friend Jil shared the below post with me.

You have no idea how good it feels to know, I’m not alone out there, there are people who feel the way I do and I don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

I’m ok. I’m ok.

What's In My Search History Fun Times:

Hi Internet!

So a friend sent a funny picture to a whats app group I am on this morning...

Thanks Kat! This made me laugh.
Kat has a blog as well, she is awesome and you should follow her... Like a creep.
https://potteamouth.wordpress.com/

And it got me thinking... If someone had to look at my browser history, how insane would I look? See I know there wouldn't be anything 'dodge' on there in the "normal" sense of the word but that doesn't mean I'd be off the hook.

So I did what any normal person would do... I went and looked at my browser history.(DUH!) I've got to say after reading through it I'm not too sure what was going through my head half the time. So obviously I thought the best thing to do with this information that makes me look like a bit of a wacko is to put it on the internet for the entire world to see.

So here we go... A list of my internet searches:

• Chickpea salad
• Easy chickpea salad (apparently the ones I found the first time were too much effort?)
• If someone owns a piece of land do they own it all the way to the center of the earth (Turns out... yes they do.)
• Excel spreadsheets
• Excel sums
• Excel Equations (Maaaan fuck excel!)
• What is it called when a solid becomes a gas without becoming a liquid first (sublimation, also I have no idea what this was all about)
• Giraffes
• Aliexpress
• Facebook
• Is it illegal to dress up as batman in Australia (Ummmmm?????)
• Amanzimtoti (Ok… Just googling a place. That’s all.)
• How does the guy in the barney suit poop (valid question ok! Does he take the suit off? Does it have a flap? Does he just never poop? I STILL DON'T HAVE ANSWERS!!!!)
• Pinterest
• Who made Pinterest
• Who made twitter
• Scientific Fringe Experiments (ok...)
• Uranium (Ummmm Ok... again.)
• DIY Hamster cage
• Teddy bear hamsters
• How to care for your Siberian hamster
• Hamster toys
• Petshops Durban
• Kodi
• Kodi install
• Samsung smart TV install Kodi (Fuck Kodi, I'm getting Netflix!)
• Youtube
• Netflix
• Dinosaurs
• Raptors
• Velociraptors
• Don’t feed the Velociraptors Doctor Who
• Deadbolts
• Builders Warehouse
• How to make a Molotov Cocktail
• Surviving a raptor attack

I think we will just stop here... It's getting a little weird.

So there you have it. Random search history fun times. You should go look at yours and while you read through the random shit you ask the internet, think about how credible you would be as a witness in a crime if someone ever got hold of your browser history.

Just saying.

Thanks all.

END!

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!

Ok, so there have been mixed reviews about the newly released Batman vs Superman and I’ve got to say some people are just down right idiots. Some guy took the movies release as a chance to berate any adult who watches and enjoys superhero movies… I have since dubbed him the Aquaman of humanity… No one really gives a shit about you dude.

WARNING: SPOILERS START HERE!

Seriously though, if you read any further it is your own fault.

Moving on… 

I went to the premier with my sister and you know what, for all the plot holes and random intros for future DC movies like the Flash, Wonder Woman and *cough cough spatter spatter* Aquaman, I flipping enjoyed it.

If this somehow makes your blood boil and you feel the need to jump down my throat via emails just remember zero, that’s right, ZERO fucks shall be given. Sooooo yeah…

All I could think of after the movie was “I WAS RIGHT!” I wrote a post a while ago answering a readers “Who would win in a fight” email which you can read HERE. If you don’t want to go read it… FINE! Short version, I explained in an impromptu fight Superman would kick some Batman ass (Which in the movie he did) BUT if Batman has time to prepare for the fight with Superman the Bat would win. (Which again he did)

The only thing that saved Superman from becoming a super-skewer was calling “Martha” which is kind of like calling Uncle I guess. Batman was all like “Your mom is Martha? MY mom is Martha! NO WAYS!” then they high fived and teamed up.

Do you guys remember when Ben Affleck was cast as Batman and everyone had little brain aneurysms and went off on tangents about how shit he was going to be… well I hope round about now you are sticking your feet in your mouth, yes both feet because Ben Affleck NAILED IT! Batman has always had a bit of a dark side but Affleck makes him seem somehow darker. He’s just like Superman could be a problem in the future so let’s just kill him now.

It’s no secret I am not a fan of Superman, so I was just like “It doesn’t follow the comics but what the hell kill him Batman!” His super goodie goodie persona has always irritated me. He is toooooo good BUT Henry Cavill brings a little something to the character we haven’t seen before, a willingness to kill. WHAAAAAAAAT?! Turns out when mommy dearest is in trouble Superman is willing to not only kill Batman but decapitate him and take his head to good ol’ Lexy boy. That is of cause if Batman is not willing to help him save mom.

Speaking of Lex Luthor, did anyone else get a bit of a Joker vibe from him? Jesse Eisenberg definitely played the ‘Psycho’ version of Lex Luthor pretty well. Good job Jesse but also you are meant to be bald from a child and not because you went to prison… Just saying. My sister may have thought up a filler for this plot hole… She says maybe he is Lex Luthor Junior and not Senior… that would explain why he has hair, is so much younger than superman and keeps referring to his father throughout the movie. Makes sense. 

Wonder Woman is also introduced in the film but she kind of just shows up and is all like “Hey, need some help?” I was a little happy we had a female role who could hold her own and you know… she could run through a doorway without tripping over her own feet… I’M LOOKING AT YOU LOIS LANE! Amy Adams did an amazing job portraying Lois Lane as the useless lump of skin she is. I mean seriously she has to be the most annoying character ever created! “Oh help me Superman, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” BLERGH! I just want to slap her. Like right through the entire movie… Just slap her in the face… With a chair. Flip sakes woman get a clue!

And superman is dead.

END!

I can't see your hate.

So as you may have noticed I haven't posted in a while, but you more than likely didn't send me hate mail for it... Right? You probably carried on with your life because you're a well adjusted human, right?

Yeah I thought so... because what kind of dysfunctional asshat would send a blogger hate mail for not posting all the time? 

If you agreed with the above, then this post is not for you. I repeat THIS IS NOT FOR YOU!

Here is a pink fluffy unicorn on a rainbow just for you. (Insert hugs, love and laughter here)

However if you are one of the dickwads who send me hate mail when I don't post my ramblings online, then this post IS for you.

I apologize...

I apologize that I can't see all your hate through my motherf@#king love glasses!

END!

See this is my issue with fairy tales: #1

Cinderella:

Ok so first things first.(I'm the realest.) Cinderellas stepmother was in fact a major b*tch who treated her like crap. We know this.

If some old hag was treating me like crap I would make her life excruciatingly uncomfortable. I’m talking poison ivy leave stuffed into her pillow and cat poop in her porridge. (Cinderella had a cat)
Let’s say for argument sake Cinderella was a spineless idiot with no imagination (even though her animals “spoke” to her) and that’s why she just took all the crap shoveled her way.

You are sitting at home and your meanie stepsisters have gone to the ball… *tears tears* Enter your fairy godmother, she is magic and can send you to the ball all clean and beautiful “OH HAPPY DAY!” NO! If this sparkly asshole is your fairy godmother where the stuff has she been all these years while you were being mistreated? B*tch couldn’t take five minutes out of her day to appear at your house and scare the shit out of your step mother and sisters? Really? REALLY?! You can turn a pumpkin into a carriage and mice into horses but you can’t scare a bunch of pompous snot nosed brats? RUDE!

Then she has the nerve to send you out dancing in glass slippers? GLASS!? Am I the only one who thinks that would be f*ck off sore? Let alone if you make a step out of tune that shit could break and cut you. The fairy godmother is worse than the stepmother. Sadist.

Ok ok… So let’s just say Cinderella didn’t think to ask for help, you know, to get out of the shitty life she was living but instead like a true YOLO kid decided she just wanted to party… So she goes to the ball… Really slowly because if you break a heel it could end you.

So she arrives at the ball and everyone is all “Wow!” “Ooooh” “Ahhhh” “She must be a Princess from a faraway land” and she gets her boogie on (do people still say boogie?) all night with the Prince who falls hopelessly in love with her. (In a couple hours? You fell in love? Ha. Sure. Ok. Moron.) 

So it’s midnight and everything is turning back to shit and Cinderella takes off like a bat out of hell so no one knows it was her all along and she loses a glass slipper on the stairs while fleeing. (B*tches be drunk losing shoes and shit) and she makes it far enough away from the Prince before everything turns back to pumpkins and rags and stuff.

So the Prince finds the slipper and vows to find the foot it belongs to… Because you know he is in love with her but can’t recognize her voice or her, you know, HER FACE! No no no… This Prince will marry whoever the shoe fits… Does he have a foot fetish that this is the only way he can find the woman he “loves”? How drunk were you at this ball dude?

So he starts looking for the “Princess from a faraway land” in his own kingdom… Surely if she was from a faraway land then that’s where you would start looking? 

Oh and I haven’t forgotten… He is carrying around this glass slipper to find the one it fits… Why didn’t it turn back to a regular crappy shoe when everything else did? Why is this the one item that made it past midnight? Again… I’m guessing because the fairy godmother is a jerk.

So anyway… He gets to Cinderellas house and is all like “Woman put this shoe on” but can’t tell from her FACE that it’s her and the shoe fits so he marries her.
I mean, that’s cool… You met her once and spent an evening dancing with her and now you two are getting married because all he needs to know is that she cleans up well and has pretty feet and all she needs to know is he’s rich… Nothing wrong with the ending of that story at all… Go ahead… Let your kids watch it… My brain hurts.

END!