Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!

Ok, so there have been mixed reviews about the newly released Batman vs Superman and I’ve got to say some people are just down right idiots. Some guy took the movies release as a chance to berate any adult who watches and enjoys superhero movies… I have since dubbed him the Aquaman of humanity… No one really gives a shit about you dude.

WARNING: SPOILERS START HERE!

Seriously though, if you read any further it is your own fault.

Moving on… 

I went to the premier with my sister and you know what, for all the plot holes and random intros for future DC movies like the Flash, Wonder Woman and *cough cough spatter spatter* Aquaman, I flipping enjoyed it.

If this somehow makes your blood boil and you feel the need to jump down my throat via emails just remember zero, that’s right, ZERO fucks shall be given. Sooooo yeah…

All I could think of after the movie was “I WAS RIGHT!” I wrote a post a while ago answering a readers “Who would win in a fight” email which you can read HERE. If you don’t want to go read it… FINE! Short version, I explained in an impromptu fight Superman would kick some Batman ass (Which in the movie he did) BUT if Batman has time to prepare for the fight with Superman the Bat would win. (Which again he did)

The only thing that saved Superman from becoming a super-skewer was calling “Martha” which is kind of like calling Uncle I guess. Batman was all like “Your mom is Martha? MY mom is Martha! NO WAYS!” then they high fived and teamed up.

Do you guys remember when Ben Affleck was cast as Batman and everyone had little brain aneurysms and went off on tangents about how shit he was going to be… well I hope round about now you are sticking your feet in your mouth, yes both feet because Ben Affleck NAILED IT! Batman has always had a bit of a dark side but Affleck makes him seem somehow darker. He’s just like Superman could be a problem in the future so let’s just kill him now.

It’s no secret I am not a fan of Superman, so I was just like “It doesn’t follow the comics but what the hell kill him Batman!” His super goodie goodie persona has always irritated me. He is toooooo good BUT Henry Cavill brings a little something to the character we haven’t seen before, a willingness to kill. WHAAAAAAAAT?! Turns out when mommy dearest is in trouble Superman is willing to not only kill Batman but decapitate him and take his head to good ol’ Lexy boy. That is of cause if Batman is not willing to help him save mom.

Speaking of Lex Luthor, did anyone else get a bit of a Joker vibe from him? Jesse Eisenberg definitely played the ‘Psycho’ version of Lex Luthor pretty well. Good job Jesse but also you are meant to be bald from a child and not because you went to prison… Just saying. My sister may have thought up a filler for this plot hole… She says maybe he is Lex Luthor Junior and not Senior… that would explain why he has hair, is so much younger than superman and keeps referring to his father throughout the movie. Makes sense. 

Wonder Woman is also introduced in the film but she kind of just shows up and is all like “Hey, need some help?” I was a little happy we had a female role who could hold her own and you know… she could run through a doorway without tripping over her own feet… I’M LOOKING AT YOU LOIS LANE! Amy Adams did an amazing job portraying Lois Lane as the useless lump of skin she is. I mean seriously she has to be the most annoying character ever created! “Oh help me Superman, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” BLERGH! I just want to slap her. Like right through the entire movie… Just slap her in the face… With a chair. Flip sakes woman get a clue!

And superman is dead.

END!